Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
