we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
