i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
