a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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