You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
