No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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