I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
