he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I FOUND THE LEGS
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
