when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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