hell yes lets make some ravioli
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
