i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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