I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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