The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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