he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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