oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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