I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
