You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
