So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
