On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I wear drunk well.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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