we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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