you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I touched a dick in church today
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
