Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
