I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
