your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
