'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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