you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
