We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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