one word: firstdatebathroomanal
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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