he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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