It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
