Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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