But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
