Don't make out with my wife yet
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
