Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Couch. On fire.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
