Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
