what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
