I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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