That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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