ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
