I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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