Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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