I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
