i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
