I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
