at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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