I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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