I am in a vortex of obligation.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
