Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
