My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
