So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
