I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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