I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
